Honesty with teens -Valentina's weekly inspiration!
It’s July 9th, 2022, me and my teens are in Rome! Our first night, after all the excitement and traveling, we are finally here. Shortly after checking in and unpacking, we decided to rest and then go for dinner. I was recommended by a local to look for “Trattoria or Osteria.” These kinds of places always have traditional Italian food, so that’s exactly what we did, and we ended up having a delicious dinner- their local Spaghetti Ai Fruitti Di Mare and Pizza. Delicious!
As we were deciding on our desert, my teens suddenly brought up the topic of us moving to Spain next year- it was very unexpected and caught me by surprise. My heart started to sink a little.
At first, I felt getting defensive. HOW DARE THEY; I put so much effort into this trip, and here they are ruining our first night with their problems, obviously that was not the case, but I got defensive, in addition to that, it looked like they ganged up against me and were ready to explain TOGETHER why they are hesitant about moving.
Next, as they started telling me their concerns, I realized what a MAJOR shift our move will be for them. Immediately I switched my focus from MYSELF to THEM, and we had a long conversation about it.
I must admit that trying to explain to my teenagers WHY we are moving and HOW will we function as a family wasn’t an easy task. On one hand I tried my best to stay as close to the truth and the reality of this move as possible, and on the other hand I felt an inclination to paint it for them in pretty colours, so they are more confident of this step.
For example, my son had a very straight-up question: Why do you think this is a good move? So, I decided to be as transparent as I can be with him: Because life in Canada as a single mother is becoming expensive, and that’s it. I did not go into details, I did not lie to him, I just gave him a straight answer.
Additionally, my daughter sided with him: But MOM wasn’t it always expensive? to what I answered: NOT TO THE DEGREE THAT WE SEE NOW.
This went on for about 30 minutes, them asking questions and me just answering. In the meantime, I started painting a future for them in another country, I was very careful with my choice of words and maintained vague language. I kept my voice steady and low and soon enough they stopped asking and started listening.
For instance, I told them more in detail about the neighborhood they will be living in, about people they will be surrounded by, where will they travel so on and so forth.
To summarize I would love to share some advice when it comes to getting your teens to listen to your advice and/or opinion:
let them speak- truly let THEM- keep your opinions and comments to yourself
do not take their comments personally, it is their perception of reality not yours
be open to their suggestions and ideas, do not cut them off
promise you will think about their suggestions
be CALM, very calm and keep your voice low and steady.
be respectful of their fears and worries, they are exploring the world that is familiar to you already.
Quote of the day:
"The most important part of being a parent to young adults is to convey your willingness to be there for them, even if you can’t fix things"
I can see myself living in Croatia at least a couple of months a year! It is definitely in my plans.
Until next time,
Valentina
P.S: Beach Croatia, 2022
Books I am reading at the moment:
Concise Art of Seduction: Robert Greene
Five Quarters Of The Orange: Joanne Harris
Video of the week:
How Would You Raise A Son VS A Daughter? — www.youtube.com How Would You Raise A Son VS A Daughter?Is there a difference in educating a son vs a daughter? From my experience there is, and I am on my second set of tod...